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Witnesses in the Treat and Oakgrove Road neighborhood reported seeing a U.F.O. at low altitude at just after 8 PM tonight in this rustic suburban area. There was very little sound emanating from the U.F.O. One unconfirmed report indicated they heard a low-frequency grunting or groaning animal noise but they were unsure if the sound came from the U.F.O. or from the nearby fire station.

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After a thorough investigation, the local newspaper The Contra Costa Slime determined what happened even before the National Transportation Safety Board NTSB, and the Federal Aviation Administration FAA  investigators arrived on the scene.

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This amateur photo was taken by an observer when the object landed briefly on Treat Boulevard.

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It was first thought to be a Russian drone flying quietly on an electric motor taking infrared images of possible high value targets in the area.

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Then to the surprise of local witnesses and federal investigators, it was conclusively determined that the U.F.O. (Unidentified Funny Obstruction) was a local cowboy bicycle fanatic bringing home a load of laminate floor boards from his office to be used in the kitchen remodeling project that the good ‘ol boy was werkin on.   It was also decided that in this context the term U.F.O. means “U.F.O.” (Unidentified Funny Obstruction) to other traffic on the road with the cowboy bicycle dude. 

Why it all turned out to be an optical illusion. What was originally thought to be U.F.O. lights was actually reflective safety materials that the cowboy was using to keep from get in’ run over by them gas guzzling automo-bullets squisher-machines that frequent the roads in where bicycles have equal rights and access to the roads according the California Statutes called the DMV code (Dang Motorized Vehicular Code).
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Well, I don’ know how she did it but the investigative newspaper reporter also found the following images for publication. .Now would ya just look at that?

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Well, just look at how nice that there floor is coming along.  Just marvelous. 

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Well its was lucky that the UFO cowboy stayed away from the area of Brentwood where a hyper female goat has been reeking havoc on the locales this week.   

(“Don’t call me an old goat.  Or I’ll bruise your buns”)

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Fortunately, the U.F.O. did not land and violate the local parking ordinance against rail parking durning the morning commute.
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On the side of the train are written the words “Don’t Run The Risk”.    Well I reckon that the Kelly Blue Book value of that van was just reduced more than a nominal sum.    Ya think?

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And now a few words from our sponsor, “What The Heck Products Company” makers of the “Made in China” brand of products.
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   .           OK.   IT’S TIME TO GET A LITTLE EXERCISE.

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makes us stronger

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    COMMON ABE DOGGY,  

     I’LL SHOW YOU HOW TO JUMP THE MOGULS.

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 This sure is a mischievous monkey.  Catch me if you can. Nanner Nanner Nanner. 

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.       Yeah…

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   Friends helping friends.

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Well I don’t have a witness, so I can’t prove it.
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But that’s my story, and I’m stckin’ to it.
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